When was the last time you noticed how much you’ve grown? Your mindset has evolved. You’re handling things so differently. Celebrate yourself.
We can be so hard on ourselves. We tend to look at the one area that we’re not succeeding in and ignore all the ways we are winning. Today, I had a great day that came with so many challenges. AND today I noticed all the ways I attempted to approach each moment better than I would have in the past.
If you tend to overlook your growth, AND/OR if you love #storytelling you can hear my about my drama in the parking garage today. There is a point, I promise. lmao
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Today, I had a short but powerful chat with my Roomie!!!
Press play to listen to today’s podcast episode that goes with this blog post and meme!I cuss so listen when the kids aren’t around.
Sometimes people come into your life and the connection is so clearly divine that you keep them forever. I’m so grateful for the beautiful soul that I met in college that I get to forever call my Roomie!
I was chatting with her today and she said, “I’m always here.” And it really touched me. I knew she was telling the complete truth. People say that all the time, but she has proven it to be true.
Her statement was so simple, yet so profound that it sent me into such deep thought that it became the topic of my blog and podcast, today.
I am the type of person who rarely asks for help. Despite my posts asking for you to check out my support page or to send up a prayer on my behalf, I have spent most of my life never asking for help. Those posts are actually about the extent of it. I’ll sooner go without, or try to figure things out myself.
I have a lot of history with asking for help from people who I thought would naturally say, “Yes,” only to have them respond in very hurtful ways. I’ve had plenty of moments that reinforced a belief that “I’m in it by myself.”
What I recognized in this conversation I had with my dear Roomie is that I was asking the wrong people for support. I actually had people in my life who I could go to, that would willingly help me, but they weren’t the ones I thought of when I needed someone. I went to the people who I speak to everyday, the ones who I chat with all the time, the ones who my parents know and have been on the team forever. When I could’ve called my Roomie and she would’ve not only given advice, but she’d hop in the car and drive across state lines to be my side. And how do I know that? Because she’s done it before… voluntarily… more than once.
I realized that we put people in seats and don’t evaluate if they really belong there. We use outdated criteria for elevating some rather than others. I know I personally am a person who automatically puts people in the nose bleed seats if I met them after a certain point, because I felt my roster was full. And I don’t even barely speak to most of those people who had the front row seats in my life. But because I was jaded, I slapped a reserved sign on those seats and left them vacant.
She helped me see that I’ve given VIP status to the wrong people. Some who I later found out were fake friends. They didn’t even like me, hated for me to come around, thought the worst of me. I have people I’ve met on social media who see me better and know the real me more than people I’ve known for over 20 years. Don’t they deserve VIP status?
And maybe you can relate. You may have some Day 1’s that you can’t even talk to about your dreams. You may have friends you’ve known for 30+ years that you know you are not nearly aligned with. You may have some people in your life who have done you dirty, but you forgave them (every time) and you keep them around because it feels wrong to “leave your old friends for your new friends.”
Well, at this point in my life, I’m done with place holders. It’s people who I know if I stopped texting them to check on them, our relationship would fully dissolve. And you know what? I stopped texting them! That sh*t is toxic. I don’t want anyone in my life who doesn’t care about if I’m dead or alive. I don’t really want people around (in those VIP seats) that doesn’t notice if they haven’t heard from me.
Significance matters to me. Of course, I have some friends who we can go 6 months or even 6 years and if we caught up today it will be like we never skipped a beat. But that’s not how it gets to be with my closest friends. You can be a dearest friend, but not the closest. I need people who I can call when I need to talk. Just like despite my I don’t talk on the phone rule, my friends know if they’re in distress I’m gonna answer their call.
I need my inner circle to be people I can share my dreams with. I need my inner circle to be people who believe in me. I need my inner circle to be people who cheer me on. And my inner circle can offer critique, but it’s not primarily what they do. They primarily lift me up, see the good in me, expect things to work out for me, get excited with me when I’m winning….
Back in the day I used to attend a lot of gospel concerts. Up close to the choir, there would be a few pews sectioned off for the “very important people” (the VIPs). That’s where the recording artists, pastors of the big churches, and the radio personalities sat. And sometimes I got to enjoy those seats because I worked for a record label.
A lot of us have the wrong people in the VIP section of our lives. We’re still keeping people there based on old criteria. Well, if you’ve read this far, maybe it’s time for you to start playing musical chairs and snatch some seats. It might time for you to reevaluate your priorities in this area of your life and decide who deserves to sit up front.
So on today’s episode of Share & Let’s Live! I talk about a concept my therapist taught me, called “acting opposite.”
Press play to listen to today’s podcast episode that goes with this blog post and meme!I cuss so listen when the kids aren’t around.
Essentially, acting opposite is when you do the opposite of what you would normally do. Sound simple, right? Well… it is simple. But like I learned from the amazing author and writing coach, Elizabeth Lyons, simple isn’t always easy.
In practice, acting opposite looks like choosing to handle things differently than you normally would, despite the pull of habit toward doing otherwise. So maybe you’re a person who has a short-temper. When you decide to act opposite, you choose to respond differently to the things that trigger you. Instead of yelling, you choose to take deep breaths, or laugh to calm yourself down. If you are a person who let’s the dishes pile up, when you start to place that first dirty dish in the clean sink you decide, “Nope. Let me wash this right now.” If you’re a person who tends to keep drinking after you’re tipsy, and things always go south from there, you decide, “Next time I feel tipsy, I’m going to request a glass of water, and I’m done with alcohol for the night, no matter what.”
Acting opposite is a gamechanger. And on today’s episode, I note my growth over time, and how “acting opposite” has been a huge part of the shift.
Check out today’s episode. Maybe this is something you can incorporate into your own life, and personal growth journey.
Day 12 “Punking Our Kids” #MARCH4WARD Share and Let’s Live! #Podcast Series w/ Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist
Press play to listen to today’s podcast episode that goes with this blog post and meme!I cuss so listen when the kids aren’t around.
I wasn’t really sure what a great title for this podcast/blog would be, but this idea of “punking our kids” seems pretty accurate.
We don’t realize the long lasting impact of how we interact with our children. Some of the ways we were raised are not things that need to be repeated for another generation.
Granted everybody has a different response to discipline, reprimands, etc. And I believe that some catering needs to be done, because you could have three children and all of them respond differently to your authority.
On today’s podcast episode I talk about the damaging nature of … .punking your kids. How do I explain this? Hmmm…. let’s just say that although it’s important to teach our children to respect us, adults, authority, etc. some parents take a step too far and actually break the spirit of their child.
Maybe your child is one who is always looking out for everyone else. They are the one who’s going to speak up if they notice some form of injustice. But you have a blanket belief that under no circumstances should a child confront you about being wrong. Maybe you’re even mean and scary about it. Some kids will be deeply impacted by that response. They learn that it is not safe to speak out against injustice, that if they speak up and advocate for themselves or others that they are placing themselves in danger.
The unfortunate thing about this is that, for some, this will last well into adulthood. They won’t even realize why they have trouble advocating for themselves. They’ll have stress responses to addressing people who mistreat them. And they’ll let people run all over them because it doesn’t feel safe to speak up.
If this at all resonates with your experience, or if you want to hear more about this, including my personal story, check out today’s episode of Share & Let’s Live! with Marlene Dillon Empowerment Specialist.
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